4am Antics
by thelittlebrownhairedwriter
Summary: Bad things always happen at 4am but of course The Avengers don't know this.
1. Chapter 1: Hawkeye's Fridge

Tony barely ever slept and all of the other Avengers knew this very well. 4am most mornings Steve would wake up suddenly to screaming coming from Tony's workshop, or the grinding of the coffee machine while Tony blared Black Sabbath over the intercom. After much argument, and a few bullets being shot by Tony, mainly by Natasha, he finally sound-proofed most of their rooms so that they wouldn't be woken up by his idiocy as Bruce liked to put it. The Avengers all had different sleeping patterns you see, and Tony, being Tony; put some security cameras in their rooms to see how they slept. Steve was as rigid as a brick while he slept, his hands folded neatly over his chest and his covers coming up to his neck. Natasha looked almost peacefully while she slept, curled up into the fetal position like a cat, but he soon found out her peace was due to the gun she kept hidden underneath her pillow. Bruce slept normally as Tony put it, but he slept a lot! Hulking out would burn up his energy, and would send him straight to bed to sleep it off for days on end. Thor, being from a place where nudity wasn't an issue would normally fall asleep on the couch, his whole body on display, and normally he would be woken up by the screaming of Natasha. Clint living up to his name, would sleep in what he liked to call his 'nest', which was on top of the fridge. He had made quite a home for himself up there completing it with pillows and a blanket but what scared everybody else was how he slept; with both eyes open and sitting upright.

One night, Tony who was working on a new intercom design, as the new one was getting old by his standards was sitting in his workshop with a bottle of whiskey at his side. He had already gone through a bottle of champagne at dinner and now getting close to 2am he was in a drunken stupor. The rest of The Avengers had already gone to bed hours ago but Tony had straight after dinner gone to his workshop, and shut the doors. His AC-DC album had just started to repeat itself for the fourth time when his stomach started to growl. He ignored it and took another swig of the whiskey before another pang quickly hit him. He threw down the bottle and raised himself up from the chair, muttering obscenities under his breath.

"Steve, son of a…making us eat….salad" he spluttered out, his brain running amok due to the amount of alcohol. He staggered across to the door and punched his finger at the lock-pad and heard the _whoosh_ sound as the door swung open. He slowly made his way up the stairs to the kitchen, tripping at every second step and starting to now wave his arms around at the thin air as if to communicate. All the lights had been turned off and the only things that Tony could see were the neon lights that flashed on the oven and microwave. He staggered across to the fridge and opened it up, the harsh white light almost blinding the inventor who let out a grunt of pain before reaching for a carton of eggs. He slammed the door shut behind him and pulled out a pan from the cupboard and placed it on the stove. He turned the gas on and started to crack the eggs into the pan, scrambling them with a fork. He could feel his eyes slowly starting to droop as he kept the fork moving in the pan before letting in drop straight into the pan. He could feel his arms moving around crazily whacking the pan off the stove, and he smiled as he laid done on top of the stove the fire still burning. Almost suddenly the inventor woke up with a scream as he realized that his shirt had caught on fire, he ran around the room like a mad man before started to shout;

"FIRE! OH MY GOD! FIREEEEEE! SOMEBODY...HOLY SHIT!" he screamed when he saw looked up and saw the figure that sat on top of the fridge, eyes staring back at him and quickly fell over knocking his head on the sink, blacking out. Clint shook his head awake as he started to smell smoke and could see the small fire ablaze on Tony's shirt.

"Oh shit!" Clint shouted, quickly jumping down and grabbing the fire extinguisher that was hidden in one of the cupboards, breaking the nozzle and letting the white liquid spray all over the inventor who lay, knocked out cold on the tiles. Breathing heavily Clint sat down and looked at the inventor whose legs were splayed open and his body covered in white foam. The rest of The Avengers came rushing armed with odd weapons. Natasha, being sensible had brought another fire extinguisher. Steve was carrying his doona cover, and looked like a puppy with his golden blonde hair sticking up in tufts. Bruce had brought a jug of water while Thor stood in all his glory, naked and holding Mjolnir aloft in his hand. They all stood shocked to see the inventor and Clint sitting in the middle of the kitchen covered in the foam before Steve broke the silence.

"Why are there eggs all over the floor" he asked, kneeling down to inspect the mess that had been made. Clint shrugged his shoulder before grabbing Tony's legs with Steve grabbing his shoulders and carrying him off to bed. The other three stood there before Bruce turned to look at Thor who now had waddled off to the kitchen to pull out a box of Pop Tarts.

"Thor?"

"Yes Banner?"

"Can you, um put some pants on please?"


	2. Chapter 2: Loki's Back

"And then, as we fought through the charge of oncoming Bilge-snipe. I raised Mjolnir aloft and alas, the lighting struck down upon them and slayed them all!"

Thor's loud voice boomed through the living room, as all of The Avengers gathered round the table sipping on glasses of wine. Tony was splayed out across the couch, his feet resting on Clint's head, who had fallen asleep against the edge of the couch. Natasha was curled up in Clint's lap her fingers entwining with his own, while Steve sat upright in his chair, fascinated by Thor's tales of Asgard and the other Nine Realms. Bruce was in the kitchen doing the dishes, muttering obscenities under his breath, because of the masses of plates which mostly belonged to Thor.

"So what happened then?" Steve asked eagerly like a child listening to their parent read a picture book.

"We skinned their fur and used them as coats for the oncoming winter" he proclaimed, taking another large swig of his drink. Tony sighed and pulled out his Stark Pad, pulling up a list of legends which in some way had a relation to their fellow Norse God. Tony eyes widened when he pulled up the next story on the list.

"So, um, Thor" he snickered, "You cross-dressed?" he couldn't hold in it any longer and Tony started to laugh uncontrollably, the image of Thor as a woman filling his brain. Thor raised an eyebrow whilst the others all stared at their fellow avengers and the image soon filled all of their heads. Steve's cheeks went a bright red.

"I do not know what you mean by this Cross-Dressing?" Thor asked quizzically, confusion filling his face.

"How do I put this in your terms? You doth wear, cloths of a female" Tony spluttered out, choking on his drink.

Thor smiled greatly and started to laugh himself.

"Aye, that was an adventure fuelled by my brother's own mischief" he told the others. They all hushed at the mention of Loki. Thor didn't talk about his brother much since the attack. Their knowledge of him had been little, and all they knew was that he had been released from Asgard. Tony smacked his hand against his head for bringing up the story and started to regret it already. Thor took a deep breath before continuing on with the story.

"Thrymr, who was once the King of Jotunheim, desired a wife, and in particular, Freyja. Of course, her beauty was radiant, and she would have made a fit Queen. But as she was of Asgard, she would never be able to court a Jotun. Though, this did not stop the King. In his rage, he stole Mjolnir and demanded for its return, the hand of Freyja. We tried to reason with the Goddess, but aye, she saw no desire in the King, so Loki, convinced myself, to dress as Freyja, and trick the King. So now clothed in a wedding gown, and Loki dressed as my maiden of honour, we travelled to Jotunheim for the ceremony. But, before the ceremony was to start, there was to be a grand feast beyond any feast we had in Asgard! A wild ox was placed upon the table, and, of course, I delved straight into the beast, feasting on its fresh meat. Now, here was when the King became suspicious, but my brother is called Liesmith for a reason. He convinced the King that my immense hunger was due to being starved for seven days, due to my excitement. And soon enough, Mjolnir was passed over to me, and as I held it aloft, I struck down all of the guests and we soon returned home"

The group remained quiet. Bruce had joined part way and was sitting on the edge of the couch, his mouth wide open due to his bewilderment. Tony broke the silence with a chuckle.

"So you killed all of them in a wedding dress?"

"Aye" the god answered.

A snort was heard from the other side of the room. The group turned around to see a slender tall figure leaning against the door, checking his nails. Loki let out a low chuckle upon seeing there shocked faces and stood up straight, his hands folding behind his back.

"Brother, you must not tell lies. You did not kill them all, and not with Mjlonir. You started to throw the bones of the Wild Ox before you even thought of using your all mighty weapon" he laughed. Thor's eyes widened at his brother and jumped to his feet before running towards his brother. Loki gave a quick wave of his hand before disappearing, letting Thor fall to the fall as he tried to embrace the air. Thor head started to dart around, while the others all stood around watching. Natasha with her gun, Clint with his bow and the other three standing there holding pillows and broken glass.

"Did you all see the trickery of thy brother, or were just my eyes deceiving?" Thor questioned the others. They all nodded.

"You didn't say he was on Earth Thor!" Natasha shouted, her red hair springing from her head.

"I did not know of where he was Lady Natasha, I swear" Thor pleaded. They all rested their weapons before collapsing back onto the couches.

"Great, so the homicidal psychopath is back" Tony muttered quickly before a glare from Thor was shot straight at him. He pulled out his Stark Pad again looking back at the website.

"Got time for another story Thor?" Tony asked, trying to get the group off the thought of the crazy villain that was now hanging around.

"Of course Son of Stark!" Thor boomed.

Tony fingers swiped down the screen before he stopped and clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Thor, can you tell us the story of your brother dear and the horse?"

Thor placed his face in his hands while Clint did a spit take of his drink, the red wine splattering all over the glass table.

"Your brother fucked a horse!?"


	3. Chapter 3: Tony's Wild Night

Tony fingers fumbled as he tried to multitask his way into bed. The woman that was half clambering over him ravishing his neck while he tried to press in the code for the door. As he finally got the door open, he lifted the exotic beauty up and felt her legs wrap around his waist. He let his fingers run through her hair and let the smell of apples waft into his senses. Her lips forcefully pushed against his, her long black lashes tickling his cheeks. Through the gasps for air Tony finally said something.

"So, I think the bed may be comfier, lest there be naked Norse gods roaming around the place" he murmured, tugging on her earlobes. She began to giggle and she traced her fingers along Tony's chest, stopping at the Arc Reactor. She started to tug on his shirt and whispered back to him.

"It's too far, and besides, I do like the look of your leather couch"

Tony smirked and backed over to the couch letting their bodies collide as they hit the sofa. He felt her fingers undo his shirt buttons and he began to remove her dress, tugging at the zipper. He let the soft material run through his hands as he pulled it off her, revealing her white skin. Smears of lipstick started to appear on his neck and chest as her blood red lips trailed along his collar bones. Feeling the belt around his waist loosen he smiled as he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. Her black curls bounced around her face as she smiled, whispering in his ear.

"I think I'll have that drink soon" she murmured, her lips forming a smile. Tony smiled back at her before planting a soft kiss on her lips.

"Of course you will" he sniggered before clapping off the lights.

* * *

Steve was wrestling with himself in bed. Beads of sweat ran down his forehead as he lay down rigid, trying to block the thoughts of his past running amok in his head.

_I'll have the band play us something slow_

He sat up abruptly, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He let his fingers run through his shiny blonde locks before staring out through the window. He could see the sky filled with pretty little stars that shone out across the black canvas. He pushed himself out of bed and pulled on a clean white t-shirt before heading out into the hallway. Clint's head was poked out of Natasha door and Steve already regretted thinking about was happening in there. Coming from the end of hallway was sounds of groaning and grunting erupting from the lounge room.

"Stark?" Clint mouthed, pointing towards the door. Steve shrugged his shoulders and watched as Natasha also poked her head out of the door, through Clint's legs.

"What the hell is he doing in the lounge?" Natasha questioned her voice croaky and her hair a mess of red curls.

"It doesn't sound very comfortable" Clint sniggered, earning him a whack on the leg from Natasha.

"Clint's got a point though. It doesn't really sound like a woman in there" Natasha proposed. Steve's cheeks went a bright pink at the thought and watched as a sleepy Bruce came out of his room, his brown hair ruffled and his glasses hanging off his head limply.

"Sound-proofed my ass!" he muttered, his hands trying to flatten down his hair.

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped as he heard another moan coming from the lounge room, and Tony starting to plead with the other person in the room.

"No, no, no, oh god! Yes! YES!"

Steve blocked his ears with his fingers while Clint's smile grew, his shiny teeth glinting underneath the harsh glow of the hallway light. Suddenly ABBA music came blaring on, with "Gimme, Gimme" screaming out from the speakers. Natasha cringed at the sudden music and Steve stood there confused, his eyebrows raising at the new sound.

"Okay, has Tony turned fully gay now?" Clint asked, earning him a glare from Natasha who was now standing in the hallway, her arms folded over her chest. Steve looked at her and finally realized what she wearing. A flimsy lace nightgown barely scraped her knees and her lips were smeared with a purple lipstick. Steve tried not to stare as he looked around to notice one of The Avengers still hadn't woken up.

"Where's Thor" he asked quickly, trying not to stumble over his words.

A loud crash of thunder came suddenly clapping down and the music grew louder, this time accompanied with the broken, monotonous singing of the thunder god. Now it was Clint's turn to block his ears.

"Make it stop!" he screamed above the music.

"Where the hell is he?" Natasha asked, her voice piercing above the roaring music and singing.

"I think it is coming from the elevator" Bruce shouted, his hands cupping around his mouth.

Clint froze and Natasha shot him a look.

"What?" she demanded, her blue eyes piercing and cold.

"I took his pop tarts out of his room so he end up throwing them across the room whenever he got too excited, and I moved them to the kitchen" he spluttered out, his head dipping.

Natasha's eyes widened and she went to grab her gun from her room.

"What? What does that mean?" Steve asked, his voice worried and desperate.

"You weren't here last time somebody walked in on Tony while he is, well, let's just say Tony like's his privacy while he is closed for business, shall we say" Clint replied, his voice wavering as Natasha returned with her gun, safely in her thigh holster which was wrapped around her leg. Steve tried again not to look.

"Okay, we all go in together, and we try to lure Thor back into his room with the Pop Tarts, okay?" she whispered moving towards the door. Waterloo now came blaring on next and the sound of Thor's booming voice had gotten louder, but Tony couldn't be heard at all. Natasha pressed her ear against the door to the lounge and could only hear the music.

"Thank god, they have probably fallen asleep. Okay, we go in silently. Clint, put your phone away!"

Clint's smile dropped and he put his phone back into his pocket. As she slowly punched the code into the panel the door whooshed open and let the four in the room. All the lights were turned off and all they could make out was a tangled mess of shadows lying on the couch.

"Eugh, never sitting there again" Clint remarked.

Bruce pushed him forward as they hid behind the counter of the bar. The music had just started to come into the chorus when the doors to the elevator slowly opening revealing a scantily clad Thor, who had a large glass of mead in one hand, and Mjolnir in the other. Steve heard Bruce mutter words under his breath as Thor came swinging in, singing loudly, and causing the shadows on the couch to move slowly. Natasha held her breath and hoped that Thor wouldn't notice, until the god turned his head around and heard mutters coming from the couch.

"SON OF JARV! COULD YOU PLEASE LIGHTEN THE ROOM?" the God boomed.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit" Clint started to repeat. Natasha slowly rose up and held her gun tight, her finger curling around the trigger.

The lights slowly came on, and the couple on the couch began to stir.

"BY THE ALLFATHERS BEARD! STARK, YOU OF ALL MERE MORTALS!" Thor screamed, Mjolnir ready in his hands, and thunder starting to clap around them.

"What?" Tony softly murmured before turning to face the person who lay next to him, their face a devilish grimace. Loki stared straight back at him, his green eyes seductive and his whole body naked.

"OH MY GOD! GET OFF ME!" Tony screeched, falling off the couch onto the floor.

He grabbed a throw rug of the couch and covered himself. The other four still hid behind the counter, before Clint peeked his head around and saw the two naked gods and Tony circling the lounges. Clint clamped a hand over his mouth to supress the laughter before just pointing towards the lounge and the other three jumping up from their hiding place. Natasha screamed first, making her drop her gun. Clint didn't know who she was screaming at. Loki, Thor or Tony who was now wrapped in a fluffy pink throw rug. Bruce stumbled back while Steve face had started to glow a bright coal red. Loki stood and revelled in the state of shock he had created, placing his hands on his hips, letting his body glow underneath the yellow lights.

"Well this has been most delightful. Always a pleasure to see you all, and Stark, thank you for a most pleasurable evening" he smirked, blowing a kiss before disappearing into the air just before Mjolnir could be pummelled through his skull.

Tony started to rock back and forth on the floor, his eyes wide and his hands wrapped around his knees. A small click was heard coming from beside Natasha as Clint silently smiled to himself, in his hands, his phone.

"You, took a photo of that!" she screamed

"Even better" he said. "A video" he gave her a sly wink before walking out of the room and letting Steve and Bruce try to console the whimpering Tony on the floor. Natasha quickly snatched her gun from the floor and fired a shot at Clint, but he quickly ducked down before the bullet impaled itself in the wall.

"Night Tash!"

* * *

Two new chapters in less than 24 hours! Haha this one was actually written about half hour ago and was inspired by a tumblr post of a chicken being moved around to an ABBA song. Weird I know, but that is how my thought process works. Seriously I don't think there is going to be any actual plot and no FrostIron won't become a pairing. The only obvious ship in this is Clint/Natasha, and I think it will stay that way; for now. Had to change the rating as well due to the sexual themes and swearing, thanks to Clint. I think that I may continue with this particular story arc and the next chapter will probably be about Tony getting over his night with the beloved God of Mischief. Loki will pop up in more of the stories but I am saving him for something special. Also I will do a Christmas themed story which may be amazing or might be a train-wreck so we shall see.

Thanks for all the favourites/follow/reviews, and keep them coming.

P.S: Next chapter for Lies and Fears should be up in the next few day for anybody that's interested and yes, I am working on the Doctor and Alfie story as we speak so keep your eyes out for an update


	4. Chapter 4: Trick or Treat

"Come on Tony. We all know you're a little shaken up…"

"SHAKEN UP? SHAKEN UP?! I HAD SEX WITH A PHYSCOPATH BRUCE! A PHYSCOPATH, DO YOU KNOW WHO DOES THAT SORT OF THING? HUH? OTHER FRICKING PHYSCOPATHS!"

Tony was inconsolable. Ever since the Loki incident, which Steve said never to be mentioned again, Tony had taken to hiding away in his workshop and appearing only in the early hours of the morning to collect scrap food and more bottles of scotch.

"Come on Tony, its Halloween. We've all gotten dressed up and we are going to go harass Fury for some free candy" Clint butted in, his voice gleeful and slightly wavering due to the vodka shots he had just taken to calm the nerves.

Tony looked up from his hands and saw his fellow Avengers looking over him, dressed in their costumes, and it took everything for him not to burst out laughing. Steve was dressed in his old army uniform and his hair had been slicked to the side with gel. He was also donning a pair of aviator shades and had a toothpick between his teeth.

"Who the hell are you supposed to be? Blonde version of Tom Cruise?" Tony mocked.

Steve raised his eyebrow before turning to Bruce for an explanation.

"I'll show you later" Bruce muttered.

He shook his head lightly and the bolts started to fizz with electricity. He had drawn on stitches along his face and was wearing a laboratory coat, which was decorated with burnt holes and blood stains. His face had a light green tinge and he had put in dark green contacts. Tony smirked but Bruce put his finger up before he could say anything.

"Say a word, and I will electrocute you with my bolts"

Tony made a humph sound and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Come on Son of Stark, tonight shall be a glorious evening. We shall feast on this food you call candy and be clothed as characters as you call them" Thor boomed, his wig moving slightly off-centre.

His blonde hair had been swapped for a brown, bobbed wig, and he was wearing a tight purple shirt which showed his stomach. He was also wearing a pair of fluro orange shorts and had a purple backpack tightly strapped to his back.

"Thora the Explorer, really?" Tony asked, looking straight towards Natasha who was fixing up Thor's wig.

"I thought it was a great idea. He loves the show" Natasha replied.

She hadn't put much though into hers. She was just wearing a pair of black slacks and tight corset, topped off with false teeth and a red cape.

"Vampire? I thought you were actually going to go as a spider?"

Last but not least he turned to Clint, who also was wearing a wig, but this time it matched the exact same colour of Natasha hair. His wig was fire red and was long, curled into ringlets which ran down his back. He was wearing a dark emerald dress, his waist brought in with a simple gold belt. In his hands was a wooden bow and his face had a look of glum and despair, and accompanying this in the other hand was a clear bottle of vodka. This time Tony had to burst out laughing, doubling over and trying to catch his breath.

"Fine laugh! I'm only doing this because Steve said it would be the only way to get you out of this fucking room!" he yelled, letting the red ringlets fall into his face.

Tony finally caught his breath and held his stomach. He raised his eyebrow and the corner of his mouth twitched.

"Okay, I'll come. But you" he pointed to Clint "Have to ride around on the toy horse"

Natasha tried to hide her smirk as Clint grumbled a yes and walked out of the room.

"So Tony what are you going to go as?" Steve asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Fuck a costume. I'm Tony Stark" he proclaimed, standing up and brushing the dirt off his t-shirt.

The rest of The Avengers smiled at Tony's new found pride and they started to head out of workshop and into the lounge room. Clint soon followed after them being dragged by Natasha on the old wooden horse. Thor's booming laughter started to echo throughout the room, and Steve tried to hide his smile.

"Thank you Barton. This just warms my arc reactor" Tony mocked, placing his hands over his chest.

Clint muttered obscenities under his breath before hopping off the wooden horse, and marching towards the cars.

"Let's get this over with!" Clint shouted

* * *

A loud thud was heard at the door of Fury's Office. He raised his head from his desk and raised his eyebrow.

"Come in" he yelled, his eye glaring at the door.

Clint rolled in on the horse, his red curls falling around his face and his hand holding a plastic pumpkin bag. Fury stared at him simply, his face hard and cold. Clint stood up off the horse and walked over to the desk. He lifted up his bow and pulled the string back.

"Happy Halloween Fury. Got any goods?" he asked; his voice monotonous.

Fury stared straight back at him before lifting up a stack up papers and pressing them into Clint's chest, making him drop his bow.

"Get the fuck out of my office Agent Barton" he yelled, pointing towards the door.

Clint grunted and sat back down onto the horse, rolling out of his office. The rest of The Avengers stood silently outside the office, waiting to see if Clint got anything. He sighed and got off his horse giving the plastic pumpkin Natasha.

"Your go"

* * *

Fury heard the clink of the door open and saw Natasha leaning against the frame. She had taken off her cape and hoisted up the corset. She smiled seductively at Nick who was now leaning back in his chair, his arms folded over his chest.

"Hello Fury" she smirked, letting the door shut behind her.

She slowly walked over towards the desk and leaned down on the edge, letting her tongue run softly over her lips. Her nails traced over her collarbones, the red polish contrasting against her pale skin.

"Never knew you worked this late?" she noted, bating her eyelashes.

He quirked his eyebrow as she walked over to him and sat carefully on his laps, her fingers toying with her hair.

"So, it Halloween? Do you have any candy to give me?" she questioned, biting her lip.

Fury smirked and reached into his pocket, and grabbed her hand. He quickly placed a small card in her hand, and she looked at it puzzled. She flipped it over to reveal a medical appointment for one Tony Stark.

"Make sure you give that to him. And now get the fuck out of my office Ms Romanoff" he snarled.

* * *

Steve sheepishly went in next. He lifted his aviators off his head and held them tightly in his left hand. Fury just stared at him and pointed towards the door.

"Don't even try"

* * *

Tony waltzed into the room, his hands clutching the pumpkin bag which was already filled with whiskey. Bruce followed behind, his face stern. Tony poured the whiskey into his mouth and let it get caught in his hair. Fury just scowled at him and fixed his eye patch, staring at the now intoxicated Tony who was stumbling under his weight.

"So, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky. You haven't been very giving tonight. Being a bit like Old-Scrooge. Now you see here. Brucey, hasn't ever had a Halloween before, so I think that you should give him some candy before he goes all hulkish" Tony slurred, the whiskey sloshing around in the pumpkin bag.

Bruce just stared at Fury who scowled at the two of them, before noticing that Bruce's skin had started to turn a faint green. Fury's eye widened and he started to fumble around in his drawers, quickly pulling out a Snickers bar and throwing it and Tony.

"Get the hell out of my office, and calm Mr Banner down now!" he screamed.

* * *

Tony and Bruce quickly ran out, laughing to themselves. As they finally got out, Bruce pulled the light from out under his shirt, and ripped off the green cellophane. The two smirked at the rest of The Avengers who all stared at them wide eyed. Clint gave them a small clap as they all moved quickly out of SHIELD headquarters before they were most likely punished.


	5. Chapter 5: Yoga Part One

Tony walked down to the training centre, yawning loudly as he tried to wake up. He ran his fingers through his hair as another large yawn hit him before opening his eyes and seeing Natasha and Bruce stretching on the floor with blue mats.

"What the hell are you doing Bruce?"

"What does it look like to you Tony?"

Natasha rolled her eyes and lent over, placing her hands firmly on the ground.

"Bruce finally told me his _real _secret on how to stay calm?"

Tony shook his head and rolled the sleeves up of his shirt. His eyes darted around before landing on the blue mats and his ears hitting the bohemian music playing in background.

"_Yoga?" _ Tony asked, his eyebrows raising.

"Yes Tony, as a matter of fact I find it quite calming."

"So you and Widow are doing a Yoga session together?"

Bruce nodded as he started to stretch his hamstring.

"Well why didn't you ask me?"

It was now Bruce's turn to roll his eyes. As he slowly stood upright again he let his arms fall to the side and started to flex his fingers.

"Because, Tony, you have never had any interest in Yoga or any form of exercise"

Tony started to grumble as he marched in the store room of the training centre. Natasha and Bruce looked at each other worried and before they knew it, Tony walked straight back out, a pink roll mat underneath his arm. He looked at the pair before unrolling his mat and throwing it the ground. He snorted as sat down and started to stretch his legs.

"See Bruce, I can do Yog.. Oh shit, that hurts. Ow! OW! Jesus, it burns!" Tony started to scream.

He quickly grabbed his leg and starting pummelling it with his fist but Bruce quickly walked over and grabbed Tony's hand.

"Whoa, calm down! You were just pulling the muscle too much; you don't want to strain it, okay. Just do the downward dog position to loosen up your back"

Tony started to mutter under his breath as he got onto his knees and lent forward. Natasha and Bruce started to do Sun Salutation until Tony started to yell out again.

"I don't feel anything happening Bruce!" he whined, smacking his fists on the ground.

Bruce groaned and walked over to Tony.

"Okay I going to push on your back and I want you to lean as forward as you can go"

Bruce walked over to the behind of Tony and started to push down on his back. He gave a quick smirk to Natasha who had gone down into the splits and she gave him a wink in return. Bruce started to rub circles on Tony's back and he moved in closer to Tony.

"You ready Tony?" he asked, letting his tongue quickly swipe over his lips.

"Ready as I ever will be jolly green" Tony mocked.

Bruce gave a quick smile before pressing himself against Tony's ass and letting his hands push into his back.

"Okay Tony, stretch further. You know you can do it buddy. Oh yes Tony! Oh yes stretch for me!"

Bruce started to yell louder and louder before Tony quickly jumped up out of his position and started to run out of the room. Natasha tried to supress her laughter before Tony left the room and Bruce stood hurt in the middle of the room. Before Tony ran out he peeked his head around the threshold and pointed at Bruce, and let out an incoherent noise before running of down the hallway. Bruce sighed and sat down next Natasha, who was ready with her hand up to give a high five.

* * *

Cap started to walk down the halls when he suddenly saw Tony sprinting down holding his ass. Steve quickly moved into the middle of hallway and stopped Tony in his tracks as he saw his friend hyperventilating.

"Tony, what happened?"

Tony started to shake and he pointed a finger towards the training room before sprinting off again screeching and garbling some foreign language. Steve just shook his head and when he entered the training centre he saw Bruce and Natasha doing some weird position where Natasha had her legs wrapped around her head.

"Do you two want to explain why Tony was screaming down the halls like a lunatic?" Steve asked, putting on his mother hen voice.

He crossed his arms over his chest as Natasha untangled herself from her position and sat cross legged on the floor. She sighed and looked at Bruce.

"Tony tried to do Yoga and he ended up just annoying us all, so Bruce decide to scare him off" Natasha answered, her hands folding in her lap.

Steve sighed and sat down on the floor as well, letting his hands mess up his hair.

"Can I join you two. I just really need a break from Tony's constant jabbering"

Natasha nodded and Bruce stood up and walked over to give Steve a mat.

"Sure, you can. Okay, so just copy what Natasha did before, show him again Tash"

Steve cocked his eyebrow as Natasha entangled her legs around her neck. Bruce gave a tentative smile before starting to stretch his own legs.

"So just do that?" Steve asked confused.

"Yep" Bruce replied.

Steve, dazed and confused he started to lift his left leg and bending it around his neck. He felt his foot bang against his face before hooking it around his neck. Feeling proud he quickly moved straight onto the other leg, lifting it up sharply and hooking it around. Searing pain started to fill his groin as he felt his legs strain.

"Hey looks, guys, I did it!" he proclaimed.

Bruce and Natasha turned around to see Captain America with his legs wrapped around his head as he beamed a toothy grin at the pair. They smiled back at him and started to clap.

"Good work Cap, now we are going to move onto the next pose"

Steve nodded and started to lift his leg over his head before a jab of pain started to rush through his body.

"Ouch, that doesn't feel nice. Bruce why doesn't it feel nice?"

Bruce walked over and tried to help move his leg but he quickly hopped back when Steve let out a loud scream of pain.

"Okay Steve, I think you may have pulled something, most likely your groin muscle"

Steve stared back at Banner wide eyed.

"What does that mean, can I get out of this position?"

Bruce nodded as he signalled for Natasha to come over. She quickly stood up and stood by Cap who now had started to look like a human pretzel.

"Okay, now I want you to grab his right leg and I'll try and put some pressure on his groin muscle as you lower it down"

"Okay Bruce"

"You ready Steve" Banner asked.

Steve nodded as he stuffed some of his shirt in his mouth and bit down on it hard.

Bruce placed his hands on the inner of Steve's thigh and Natasha grabbed his shin.

"Okay on three. One, two, three!"

Steve let out a scream of pain as Natasha lowered his leg down to its normal position. As it hit the floor Steve let out a sigh of relief and he let his eyes open.

"Good work, now the other leg"


	6. Chapter 6: Spangles' Drinking Secret

"Alright, alright, never have I ever thrown up in somebody's bed" Clint garbled out, hiccuping slightly in his tipsy state.

Thor, Steve, Natasha and Bruce all kept their fingers up while a now fully-drunken Tony smirked and pulled down his middle finger.

"What! Okay, this is a story I need to hear!" Clint yelled, pouring himself another drink.

He didn't know exactly what it was but at this point in the night everything tasted the same to him. Tony took another swig from his bottle and slowly spelled out his story to the others.

"Prom Night, 19881, way before you, young Tashie was born. Was at an after-party at some dude's house and did it in his parents bed, and threw up straight after"

"Alright, this is getting boring now, because apparently Tony has done every stupid thing in the world" Natasha said disappointingly a red wine glass in her hand, now filling it up for the third time.

"New Game!" Clint shouted, banging his fists on the table.

Steve who was sitting in the corner had all his fingers still up by the end of the game and felt slightly embarrassed at his lack of 'life-experiences' as Tony had put it. He knew he needed a game that he could beat everybody at, easily. Bruce was sitting on the other end of the couch was nearly fast asleep, his body curled up and a empty glass clenched tightly in his fist. Thor had already begun to strip with his shirt thrown into the sink and onto his 9th bottle of Corona. The Thunder God had begun to take quite a liking to the sweet beer and had sworn that it was the drink of the Gods.

Clint and Tony who were both intoxicated were sitting in the two arm chairs on either side of the coffee table and were caught sometimes giggling to themselves throughout the evening, and were probably having a unspoken drinking contest with the rest of the group. Which was expected, as it happened most nights.

Natasha on the other hand had been quiet throughout most of the evening, adding in the random comment at different points during the course of the evening and her last remark had probably been the most words she had used in the entire evening.

"We, we, will need some more glasses for this. Be right back!" Tony shouted, running into the kitchen.

"What are you doing Stark?" Natasha shouted in the direction of the kitchen.

Tony then ran out of the kitchen with a handful of shot glasses, in one of his hands and a vodka bottle in the other.

"Timeee, for a good old fashioned drinking game! For those who are game of course, you can stay out of this one spangles if you want!" Tony shouted, his last comment, directly towards Steve.

A large grin spread across his face, and Steve sat up from the sofa with a new found courage inside of him.

"Oh no Tony, I'll play. Come one, let's go!" he shouted.

Thor let out a large roar as he raised his empty beer bottle in the air and then smashed it onto the ground.

"Jesus Thor! What have we said about the smashing?" Natasha shouted, standing up to move away from the shattered glass.

"Only in my room" Thor replied, looking down and ashamed like a innocent child.

Tony began to line up the glasses and sloppily filled the vodka into each of the glasses, most of it spilling onto the table.

"Alrighty then, everybody ready?"

The five all raised their glasses and quickly gulped down the drinks. Clint and Tony had screwed up expressions on their faces, but both Natasha and Steve sat their, straight faced and filling up their glasses for the next one.

* * *

After six Clint was out. His final shot sent him running over to the sink and spitting most of it out and running his fiery tongue under the water. Walking back over fanning his tongue he announced his defeat.

"I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Come on Tash, do this for me"

Rolling her eyes she donned her seventh shot and gulped it down without another thought.

* * *

It wasn't until another five and she was gone. Red-faced and giggling she tried to pour herself another shot but dropped the glass and fell into hysterics at herself. He took this as sign that it was time to go to bed and he carried her off to her room, sounds of her laughter leaving the room.

* * *

As they hit number twelve, Tony was now completely out of it and just accepted his defeat by lying down on the couch and pulling out a copy of his latest Top Gear magazine. It was a this moment where the competition now was between Steve and Thor, who in the midst of the game had lost his pants and was now sitting in his underwear, his golden locks drenched in what everybody thought was the vodka.

* * *

The thunder god though did have a point where he could drink no more, and that was at the number twenty-one, where he feebly attempted to pick up his glass, but just ended up throwing his hands in the air and falling backwards.

"No more. No more" he slurred.

Steve smiled and donned his twenty-second vodka before placing his glass on the table in victory.

"Jesus Christ Spangles, how the hell did you do that? I always thought you were a bit of a light-weight!"

"Shows how much you know about me then Tony" he smiled back, starting to clean up the empty bottles.

"You, you deserve a medal or something. No, you know what I'm going to get you a trophy" he proclaimed as he wandered slowly off to his bedroom.

"Alright then. Goodnight Tony"

It was at this moment when Bruce slowly awoke from his slumber, stretching out his body like a cat. He stared around the room trying to take in the scene and places the pieces together to figure out what happened.

"What the hell happened here?"

"We had a little drinking contest"

"Did you join in?"

"Yeah, actually I did"

Bruce smiled and wandered in the direction of his room.

"You little cheat"

Steve stared back at him in confusion and cocked his head to the side like a curious child.

"I read your file. Can't get drunk I hear. Don't worry I'll keep your secret. Night!"


End file.
